Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Maniki
Last week my sister-in-law asked me if I would hurry up and write another post so she wouldn't have to look at the "mormon porn" at the top of my blog page anymore. So naturally I put off posting for a week just to annoy her. Plus, I think she secretly likes the missionary picture. Afterall, he is innocent and forbidden.
Fortunately I've found something even more disturbing to write about, so hopefully this can hold on to the top spot for some time as well.
It's here everyone! What we've all been waiting for, anticipating, wondering about, needing for so long...but it hasn't been available - till now. Men and women alike, I ask you, "are you sick of your back side?" Perhaps it's not firm enough, bulbous enough, high enough, lifted enough, round enough, tight enough, shapely enough, eye-catching enough, sexy enough, (insert adjective here) enough. Worry no more! How many more squats are you going to do? How many more deep lunges in unitards (that's for you garlock)? How many more leg curls? How many more laps around the track? How many more early mornings at the gym? How many more stair steppers? How many more warrior poses? How many more, how many more, HOW MANY MORE! And no results. Are you sick of your thutt? (I think that's what my wife calls the area where the thigh meets the butt.) So I ask you, are you sick of it? Are you ready to turn heads again, or maybe for the first time? I can see all 4 of my readers right now saying to themselves, "Yes! I am!" Your hearts are racing in anticipation of the solution I'm about to offer. "Yes! I hate my thutt! Solve my problem jumping turtle and I will love you!"
I introduce to you the Biniki and the Maniki...better known as "The Butt Bra".
A product for men and women who need that extra lift. Listen to the raving reviews:
"I am very happy with what it does it helps a lot and I will be ordering more this weekend. Thanks very much."
-William N.
Hmmm. Apparently William N. has a number of saggy butts so he's going to order more this weekend. Good for William N.!
"I'm forty years old and a mother of 4. I was so pleased to be introduced to the Biniki through a friend of mine whom ordered it from a tabloid. I had noticed how her rear was more shapely and explained how I exercise regularly but was unable to achieve that plumped look. Thanks to my girlfriend who was so kind to share her secret, I now feel more attractive and confident when wearing my Biniki."
-Joan L.
You too can acheive that plumped look you've always wanted. (Yum. I'm hungry for turkey all of a sudden.)
"I didn't like this at all!! Looks like you have on granny panties. Its like wearing a jock strap."
-Nicky from Brooklyn
"It looks like you have pads on..it DOES lift, but from the side it definitely looks like you have a weird padded butt. untill someone goes up to u and touches it then theyll know its real, but what r the odds of that?? it looks so weird..dont get it"
-Anonymous
Well, I guess they're not all positive reviews but oh well. Even Shakespeare has the occassional critic.
You know when you see a product that comes out and you're like "Man. Why didn't I think of that. Now someone else is going to make millions." I know. It crossed my mind too when I saw this.
So get your biniki, or if your a man, your maniki for only $29.95 today and lets see you start turning heads like you know you should.
Fortunately I've found something even more disturbing to write about, so hopefully this can hold on to the top spot for some time as well.
It's here everyone! What we've all been waiting for, anticipating, wondering about, needing for so long...but it hasn't been available - till now. Men and women alike, I ask you, "are you sick of your back side?" Perhaps it's not firm enough, bulbous enough, high enough, lifted enough, round enough, tight enough, shapely enough, eye-catching enough, sexy enough, (insert adjective here) enough. Worry no more! How many more squats are you going to do? How many more deep lunges in unitards (that's for you garlock)? How many more leg curls? How many more laps around the track? How many more early mornings at the gym? How many more stair steppers? How many more warrior poses? How many more, how many more, HOW MANY MORE! And no results. Are you sick of your thutt? (I think that's what my wife calls the area where the thigh meets the butt.) So I ask you, are you sick of it? Are you ready to turn heads again, or maybe for the first time? I can see all 4 of my readers right now saying to themselves, "Yes! I am!" Your hearts are racing in anticipation of the solution I'm about to offer. "Yes! I hate my thutt! Solve my problem jumping turtle and I will love you!"
I introduce to you the Biniki and the Maniki...better known as "The Butt Bra".
A product for men and women who need that extra lift. Listen to the raving reviews:
"I am very happy with what it does it helps a lot and I will be ordering more this weekend. Thanks very much."
-William N.
Hmmm. Apparently William N. has a number of saggy butts so he's going to order more this weekend. Good for William N.!
"I'm forty years old and a mother of 4. I was so pleased to be introduced to the Biniki through a friend of mine whom ordered it from a tabloid. I had noticed how her rear was more shapely and explained how I exercise regularly but was unable to achieve that plumped look. Thanks to my girlfriend who was so kind to share her secret, I now feel more attractive and confident when wearing my Biniki."
-Joan L.
You too can acheive that plumped look you've always wanted. (Yum. I'm hungry for turkey all of a sudden.)
"I didn't like this at all!! Looks like you have on granny panties. Its like wearing a jock strap."
-Nicky from Brooklyn
"It looks like you have pads on..it DOES lift, but from the side it definitely looks like you have a weird padded butt. untill someone goes up to u and touches it then theyll know its real, but what r the odds of that?? it looks so weird..dont get it"
-Anonymous
Well, I guess they're not all positive reviews but oh well. Even Shakespeare has the occassional critic.
You know when you see a product that comes out and you're like "Man. Why didn't I think of that. Now someone else is going to make millions." I know. It crossed my mind too when I saw this.
So get your biniki, or if your a man, your maniki for only $29.95 today and lets see you start turning heads like you know you should.
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