Talula Does The Hula

I'll give you three guesses. What is "Talula Does The Hula."

A. The newest doll from Mattel, that can actually do the hula.
B. A Hawaiian girl's name.
C. A cartoon on the Disney Channel.

I'm sure all you savvy test takers remember how to answer a multiple choice question you're unsure of. If so, and you answered 'B', you are correct. Isn't the timing precious? I just got done making fun of black people and Mormons for naming their kids weird names like Kannon Ball and Comfort and then I come across this story today. A New Zealand couple actually named their daughter Talula Does The Hula. Hold on a second while I stop laughing. It's hard to write and laugh. For some reason this is the funniest thing I've ever read. I keep picturing this sweet newly married couple, excited about their daughter soon to be born, going through name books and making lists of possible names. But none of them feel right for their daughter. Their daughter deserves a more unique name. Finally it dawns on them:

"Honey, I've got it. Talula Does the Hula. That's it!"

"Oh Sweetheart. You're a genius. That's why I married you."

Passion ensues.

"And if it's a boy, Makamaka husks a coconut."

"Oh baby."

Really? You really want to name your daughter Talula Does The Hula? I have so many questions. Which one's her middle name, Does or The? Is the couple's last name really 'Hula' or did they just totally forgo all tradition and leave the last name off because it wasn't a noun, verb, preposition, or dance style? How's this girl supposed to fill out any form, application, or school apptitude test? You know they have a certain number of boxes and spaces for your name. My parents decided to give me a first name and then call me by my middle name. This has presented difficulties in filling out various forms, etc., but I can only imagine what poor Talula Does The Hula will have to encounter. Mostly though, I just really think it's funny and I keep laughing.

We'll by now Talula is 9 years old and a judge in New Zealand had had enough of people naming their kids whacked out names. So he actually made TDTH a ward of the court so he could change her name. This judge wasn't messing around. Here's what he had to say:

"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

Wow! These parents were born with a totally perfect and able child and they actually made her handicap by naming her Talula Does The Hula. That is totally inexcusable...unless they got a sweet blue handicap parking pass for it.

Apparently, this girl was so embarrassed about her name that she never even told her closest friends. She just told them to call her 'K.' I don't quite understand this decision by the girl because she has almost every letter in the alphabet in her name except for 'K' and that's the one she picked as her nickname. I'll cut the poor girl some slack though...afterall she is disabled.

Interestingly enough, New Zeland law does not allow parents to name their children names that will cause offense to a reasonable person. Recently New Zealand officials blocked the following names. It just keeps getting better. Here are the names:

Fish and Chips
Yeah Detroit
Keenan Got Lucy
(and my personal favorite)
Sex Fruit

C'mon mom. You're going to name your daughter Sex Fruit? (I assume it was a daughter, but who knows.) What kind of life are you anticipating for your child? Fish and Chips is pretty funny too. Personally, I think my Father-in-law would love a son named Fish and Chips. Poor a little vinegar on that kid and you might as well be riding a Double-Decker bus through London. Yeah Detroit is interesting given this is New Zealand, although the Pistons, Tigers, and Red Wings have been pretty good the last few years. I don't get the Keenan Got Lucy one, but hopefully Lucy is a hot girl and not slang for a Maori STD or anything. Please be assured I am not making any of this up.

The story goes on to say that tragically, a few names have slipped under the radar without being stopped. One of those is: Number 16 Bus Shelter.

Whatever. Anyway, good stuff going on down there in New Zealand. I'm torn though. Even though these parents are nuts, I don't think I like the courts getting involved in what people name their children. That seems like a little too much beaurocracy for my liking. Then again, if people are "irresponsible" enough to require the government's intervention I guess that's what they get.

What do you guys think?